Countdown
by theangel1710
Summary: It started with: "New York is 589.81 miles away from here. Using the formula distance over speed equal to time, speed being a constant 60 miles per hour, it'll take you 9.83 hours to get there. If you're driving. Maybe 10.5 hours if Lord Tubbington needs to pee."


**COUNTDOWN**

**ONE.**

Brittany breathes a little easier when they call Santana's name. Hot liquid prickles the back of her eyes and she almost gives in to it. _Almost_.

She doesn't because strangers, parents, friends, _everybody_ is clapping for her. She doesn't because she knows she's supposed to smile and hug and love her. She doesn't because Santana's eyes immediately find hers the moment she steps away from the curtain. And when Santana walks toward her, she looks at Brittany in the only way she knows how.

Time ceases to exist. The people around her fade into shadows. Their shouts and claps of glee desist into nothing but soft buzzes.

They don't need words at all. They never did because Brittany knows by the way Santana pulls her in that she wishes nothing more in that moment than for her to be up there with her. Santana knows by the way Brittany's breathing hitches that nobody can be as proud of her as Brittany is. And when Santana pulls away and Brittany claps as loud as she can, they know that they fell in love a little more in that moment.

Santana takes her diploma and she finally gets caught up in the excitement and energy of everyone else. Quinn is suddenly pulling her into a tight hug. Rachel is making her dance. Puck sings to her. Finn smiles dopily at her. Kurt and Mercedes interlock their arms with hers and they jump around. Mike twirls her when they release her.

Brittany, _Brittany_, cries and smiles and loves her.

When Santana blows a kiss to her and Brittany catches it and places it above her heart, they ache because the stage seems too big of a distance between them. And maybe it is.

* * *

**TWO.**

"I love you." Brittany says it with conviction.

They're at the McKinley High's hallways, hands clasped together as Santana tries to take in as much as she can. Rachel left earlier that day so when Brittany drove them here, Santana doesn't question it. Because this is where they all met and made a family out of each other.

Nobody wants to have a broken family.

They were in a trip down memory lane and when they finally reached their lockers, _the_ lockers, they can't seem to take a step away from it.

Santana turns to her. She's smiling because she doesn't want to cry – because she's not supposed to be the one crying. Brittany returns it as best as she can but Santana sees how broken it is.

"You're going to New York, San." It's a demand but Santana refuses to hear it.

"Not without you. You're the only one who can deal with my shit. How am I supposed to make it?" She chuckles half-heartedly. Her heart feels so _empty_ and alone and it scares her. She realizes just how far she was from being alone.

Brittany shakes her head and bites her lip in an effort to keep from crying. This needs to be done.

"New York will be awesome. They won't know what hit them because you'll be a unicorn so everyone can see how awesome you are. You won't have to hide because gay marriage is, like, legal there. You're going to rock their world with your voice or your body or your brains, I don't care. Because any way, you're going to be so awesome and they're going to love you and you're going to love the sparkling lights back." Santana shakes her head, closing her eyes, trying to drown Brittany's voice.

"New York's not _you_, B. I'll wait for you." Brittany presses her forehead against Santana as she closes her eyes. Looking into her eyes will make her not want to do this. And she can't have that. She can't let that happen.

"They have lots of clubs and bars and pretty dancers. It's New York, San. And you _want_ New York."

"Britt."

"Maybe you'll find Rachel. I know you care about her even when you say she's annoying, which she kind of is. I know that when she finds out that you're in the same city as her, she's going to take you on tours and you're both going to enjoy yourselves."

"_Brittany_." And then she looks at her and she thinks that this might just be the most painful thing she's ever going to do.

"Don't forget me, okay?" A sob escapes her. "When you find someone better than me, tell me her name so I can call and tell her everything I know about you." Santana grips the hands in hers because she doesn't want to let go.

"_No one_ can be better than you." Panic settles in. "Please, _please. _I'm begging you, Britt. Don't do this. I'll stay here for another year and we can go to college together! I'll help you study. New York doesn't mean anything to me if I don't have you. You know that." She does. But Brittany pulls away. She tips Santana's chin, forcing teary brown eyes to meets hers.

"I _love_ you. Don't ever doubt that."

"Then why the fuck are you doing this?" Brittany smiles. It's empty and humorless and utterly heartbreaking to look at. Santana cries. It hurts to breathe and it feels like she's being set on fire, like she's drowning, like her heart is being wrenched out of her.

"I don't doubt the fact that we can survive long distance relationships. We're awesome like that. I'm doing this so I won't be able to ask you to stay because I know you will. We're meant to be, San. We're _soul mates_. But for now, you have to go follow your dream and I have to stay here to fix what I need to fix so I can follow mine. If we stay together here, I can't bear that. You're better than Lima. Way, _way_, better." Santana presses Brittany to the lockers, her lips finding hers in a last effort to stop this from happening. Brittany wraps her arms around her waist automatically. Santana doesn't need anyone to tell her that this woman, who's hurting herself by letting her go so she can follow her dreams, is something else. Something this world desperately needs.

So she kisses her with fire, with _love_. Brittany reciprocates but when it dies down, Santana can taste the bitter goodbye in the way the blonde seems to taste every dip and curve of her mouth. She pulls away, gasping, breathing in Brittany, trying like _hell_ to make her stay. The blonde takes her in her arms, hugging her like her life depends on it, locking her into a death hold.

"Santana." She whispers, saying her name reverently. She pulls away to cup her face so she can memorize everything and commit it all to her memory because that's all she's going to have left of her. Brittany smiles, _smiles,_ and even though the pain is more than what she can comprehend, Santana smiles back.

"You be great." Santana chokes out a sob. She can see it in her eyes. Brittany doesn't want her to fight this and she won't because she loves her enough to give her even this. The blonde kisses her tears away. Santana links their pinkies and nods her promise and she hears her exhale a breath of relief.

Brittany kisses her one last time.

"I'm going to walk away now, okay?"

"I love you. Always have. Always will."

* * *

**THREE.**

When Quinn's bedroom door burst open, she's half-expecting Puck to be there. She certainly wasn't prepared for a Santana who can barely keep herself from crumbling to a messy heap of tears and unintelligible words. The blonde's up faster than she thought she could, ignoring the dull pain in her legs that resulted from it. She gathers Santana in her arms. Her best friend is not sobbing and it worries her that she's just crying silently but when Santana folds into her, her head pressed into Quinn's collar bone, fingers gripping her shirt, she forgets everything else but Santana. She's known the brunette for so many years now so she has a pretty good guess as to what could have reduced Santana into this.

"Brittany…" Santana manages to say before her voice dies.

She doesn't shush her because she knows it hurts and because she knows that she needs this. She just holds her as she cries.

When waterfalls finally recede to a drizzle, Quinn offers to accompany her to the nearest bar. Santana shocks her when she feels her shake her head. Her hand fists on her shirt as she presses herself closer to Quinn, begging her to understand.

"Brittany… She wants me to be _great_." Her voice breaks. "So I will be even if it kills me. For her. And bitch, you're going to help me or I _will_ cut someone. And that someone will probably be your sweet ass." Quinn chuckles. "And then I'll find her or she'll find me. Either way, we're going to end up together."

"I know, I know." Quinn says softly, rubbing the brunette's back soothingly. "S, everyone with eyes knows you two are the very definition of forever."

"And _do not_ even think about pulling another car crash drama before you have the chance to lock me in a room to keep me from getting cold feet on my wedding day."

"I love you too, S."

Santana snorts. Quinn laughs because that translates to _You're a bitch, but I love you_.

Brittany falls asleep with an aching heart, a cold bed, a tear-soaked pillow. She falls asleep not letting any of it stop her from loving Santana like never before.

* * *

**FOUR.**

She spends her summer thinking.

Without Santana, she's not going to get any recitation points especially if the teacher calls her and blurts out rainbows instead of the answer. Santana was always there to whisper the answer to her so the teacher would leave them alone. That's going to have to change.

Brittany watches the sunset. It's really beautiful, she thinks. But she can name something, _someone_, more beautiful. She tries not to think of her because her heart squeezes in the most painful way possible and she's tired of crying.

Of course, she's all she thinks about.

She thinks of how no one can seem to get her hot chocolate right. She tries _not_ to think about how her bed is suddenly too big for her and how lonely it feels like in the morning. Santana never came by to collect her stuff. So she's everywhere in her room and Brittany doesn't have the heart to bury them in a box. It kills her, yes. No doubt. But she would be ripping herself apart if she decides to remove all she has left of Santana.

She thinks of Santana's going to follow her dreams and how the brunette once told her that someday, she's going to take over the dancing world. She wants that. But more than anything, she wants to make Santana proud. She wants to prove to everyone that, even apart, Santana drove her toward her dream.

Brittany finds herself at Tina's doorstep and she's not really sure what she's doing there but she rings the doorbell anyway.

"Brittany?" Tina watches the blonde fidget.

"Uhh, hi?" She looks at her bashfully. Tina notices the bags under her eyes. When Brittany looked at her, she seemed so lost.

"Are you okay?" They were never close but anyone would be an idiot not to care about Brittany.

"You're Asian right? So you're really smart? Or is that just a prototype?"

"I think you mean, stereotype." Her face falls and Tina kind of regrets saying it. "But uhm, I get straight A's so I'm yeah, kind of smart." She blushes, unused to talking about her grades to anyone other than her family and Mike. Everyone just assumed that she's on honor roll because she's Asian. Brittany's face light up.

"Can you explain to me why the square root of four is not rainbow? I know I should know why but I really don't and I really want to graduate with you guys this school year and San's not going to be there to help and can you, please, help me?" She rambles in panic because Tina's just looking at her. "I know you're supposed to be enjoying your summer and going on dates with Mike but I really, _really_, need help. I can come by any time you say I can and I promise I'll give my best and…"

"Brittany!" Tina smiles at her and Brittany releases the breath she didn't know she's holding.

"Sorry." She mumbles. "I talk a lot when I'm nervous." She stares at her feet.

"Would you like to come in? I can explain square roots to you if you want?" The Asian watches as Brittany's suddenly fill with happy tears. But the blonde gives her a smile that reminds her of children when they get Christmas presents and she can't help but wonder why this is all happening.

Tina gets her answers later when Brittany answers nine when she asked her what the square root of eighty-one is. Brittany _cries_ when she realizes that she gets it right and before she knows it, she's answering Tina's why, how, and when. Not really knowing how to comfort the blonde, she settles on listening to every word of her story because she knows that that's what Santana would have done.

Tina feels a sense of pride when Brittany gets the answer right to the square root of eight.

* * *

**FIVE.**

"Come find me. I'm not the only one who's meant for big things. You are too and you should start believing that because anyone who says otherwise is one, a goddamn idiot, or two, a fucktard who's just jealous of you. You are going to graduate this school year and you are going to kickass doing it. You are going to march up on that stage and I am going to be _so _proud of you. I've said it before and I'm going to say it again." She takes in a breath, her eyes softening. "_You_ are the unicorn. So come find me. I don't care how long it'll take. I'll wait. Because loving you is the only thing my godforsaken heart can do."

The train whisks Santana away, taking Brittany's heart with her.

She picks herself up and tries senior year one more time. _For Santana_.

* * *

**SIX.**

In Physics, she gives the class a fact:

"New York is 589.81 miles away from here. Using the formula distance over speed equal to time, speed being a constant 60 miles per hour, it'll take you 9.83 hours to get there. If you're driving. Maybe 10.5 hours if Lord Tubbington needs to pee."

/

Brittany cries when they discuss Pablo Neruda in English and when she's asked to share to the class her sudden outburst, she stands up and reads to the class.

_Our love is a harsh wound_

_That binds us wounding us_

_And if we want_

_To leave our wound,_

_To separate,_

_It makes a new knot for us and condemns us_

_To drain our blood and burn together._

Blaine looks at her, his eyes losing to the mist. Tina sniffs.

"It's a resume."

"Reassurance." Tina says, used to it.

"That. Together or not, they will feel the same thing, the same love, the same pain. He keeps saying 'us' until the end because that's how they were meant to be. He actually says 'together' to prove that. He says 'binds' and 'knots' because their lives are like puzzles. If, like, you lost one piece, the picture wouldn't be perfect. And it will forever be incomplete until you find the piece you lost and put it where it belongs. He compares love to a harsh wound because it'll never heal. It will never scar. It will _always_ be there." She pauses, oblivious to the incredulous looks. "I wonder if I can get his autograph."

Nobody has the heart to tell her that he died years and years ago. Nobody tells her that what she read was only an excerpt. Nobody has the courage to argue with her interpretation.

All because Brittany is glowing with hope.

/

Brittany pulls through in her other subjects. But math proves to be difficult. It's Quinn who explains to her what exactly a null set is.

"It's in the same concept of zero but not really because null set means _nothing_."

"Is that a riddle?" Quinn chuckles.

"Oh, honey, no. Let's try this. What do ducklings have in common with Lord Tubbington?"

"I love both."

"Yes, but physically?" Brittany pauses.

"Nothing. A null set?" Tina gives up on understanding the Unholy Trinity.

"Exactly." Brittany smiles wide.

"Thanks, Q. I gotta go, Tina still needs to teach me intersections and unions. Love you!"

"Love you too, B." She contemplates it. "She does too."

Brittany misses the loud smack, a defiant 'ow!', and a seemingly endless string of Spanish curses.

/

When she gets called to the principal's office, she's honestly confused. She doesn't like Figgins so she begs him to let Tina come in with her.

"Ms. Pierce. You've been getting A's in your tests and compared to your constant D's and F's last school year, your teachers suspect that you're cheating. Is this true?"

"She studies every night, 24/7!"

"Ms. Cohen-Chang, please. I'm only trying to get her side of the situation." Both turn to look at the blonde who's fidgeting in her sit. She really doesn't like his office. It's dark and it smells funny.

"I didn't cheat." Figgins raises an eyebrow.

"Then why the sudden change of grades?" At this, Brittany stills and looks up to meet his eye.

"I have to graduate this year. She's waiting for me and nobody can wait forever except Buzz Lightyear."

Tina bursts into tears.

* * *

**SEVEN.**

Santana's been working at the coffee shop for a couple of weeks now and it wasn't all that bad. Her manager was cool about her even after she saw Santana staring at a picture of her Brittany during break. Santana had smiled, wide and true because New York has so far been awesome to her.

"Good morning! What would you like to have?" She says, tying her hair into a neat bun.

"Santana?" Of course. She looks up, startled.

"Manhands."

"I would like to inform you that since we are now out of high school and you have no more reputation to protect, I would very much like it if you called me by my name. I am after all, a rising star."

"Jesus, Berry. Do you want coffee or not?" Rachel smiles and Santana can't help but smirk back.

"Hmm, today I think I might feel like having black coffee although…"

"Black it is then." She scribbles it down. "You really have to stop talking in paragraphs." Rachel blushes.

"I'm working on it." She might have imagined it but she thinks that Santana's eyes soften. She's not sure because it's gone the next second but it's enough to let her know that she cares. She wouldn't dare tell Santana this but it's nice to know that some things change over time.

As she sips her coffee, Rachel watches Santana attend to other tables. She'd heard from Kurt who heard from Mercedes who heard from Quinn what had happened and to be honest, she was waiting to catch a glimpse of Santana on the sidewalk, drunk out of her mind. But here she is, working hard even though she's sad. She knows this because her shoulders slump when she needs to talk to blonde customers. It's all really sad because if Brittany and Santana don't end up together, what hope do the rest of them have?

"What time does your shift end?" Santana raises an eyebrow as she takes the now empty cup from Rachel.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Berry?" Rachel laughs.

"I was only asking so that I can fit something in my very tight schedule. Something like a tour maybe. NYADA is not easy you know and though I got in, it was a miracle and I am not about to risk my chance. But as we have managed to strike a _tentative_ friendship, I would like to show you the beauty that is New York. And…" Santana holds a hand up, effectively silencing her. She blushes.

"I end around six tonight. I have the whole day shift because I want to get my ass into NYU." Rachel doesn't pry because there will be time for that later. "I'll only come if you pay for whatever I scoff down for dinner and by dinner, I mean _meat_. Also, _stop_ with the paragraphs." Rachel grimaces.

"Of course. We'll meet at Central Park?"

"Whatever." She pauses, unsure. "You know Brittany totally knew this was going to happen." Rachel smiles.

"Well, she _is_ Brittany. The shining and frankly, inspirational model for friendship and love."

Santana smiles this sad and lonely and _proud_ smile and this makes Rachel think that Santana's really not that bad.

/

Rachel's running late, she knows. It's fifteen minutes past six and the coffee shop really isn't that far from Central Park lie how NYADA is. She doesn't really know hoe Santana reacts to latecomers but she doesn't want to risk it. She shudders even though she's well aware that there's no slushie within a fifteen mile radius. She thinks maybe Santana would throw a scalding hot cup of coffee.

She finds Santana with the ducks. Rachel walks forward, uncertain. The moment seems to be private she has no idea why. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that Santana's feeding the ducks.

"Santana?" The brunette in question whips her head to meet her with a scowl.

"You're late. And to think you have a goddamn perfect record for attendance in high school." She looks away to find a duck nibbling on the bread in Santana's hand. For a moment, Rachel fears for the duck. But Santana tugs the bread back gently, before she tears of a small piece and gives it to the duck.

"You're lucky, you greedy little bastard. I want to keep you alive and quacking like an annoying motherfucker by the time she comes and finds me." Rachel cannot wrap her head around this. Santana _Motherfucking _Lopez is _talking_ to a _duck_. She waits for Santana to finish giving the entire bed before finally opening her mouth to ask what in the name of Barbara was she doing.

Santana shrugs, looking away to try and hide a smile that Rachel was sure is only for Brittany to see.

"Brittany loves ducks."

* * *

**EIGHT.**

Brittany graduates with honors. She comes only second to Tina but the blonde can't find the time to care because she's going to _graduate_.

"Presenting your student council president and salutatorian, Brittany S. Pierce!" Her name resounds through all four walls of the auditorium and she cries. Figgins smiles at her when he hands her her diploma. Brittany cries and hugs him because words seem to fail her.

Tina's the first she can reach and the two squeal and sob and _laugh_ because they made it. They turn to their parents and family and Brittany feels the definite absence of one. Her heart clenches and she almost cries for a sad reason. _Almost_.

She doesn't because she knows Santana would want her cry happy tears. She doesn't because even though she's not there, she knows that Santana's proud of her more than anyone is. She doesn't because she catches familiar brown hair just in time to see it whisk out of the auditorium doors. She doesn't because she thinks it might have been Santana.

She's not sure but Brittany smiles, big and happy.

/

She gets a voicemail before the graduation party.

"_Hey, B._" Brittany stops breathing. She presses her phone to her ear so hard that it hurts. "_I… I'm _so _proud of you. You belonged to be on that stage and you deserve it. And hell, everybody knows it._" There's a pause and Brittany's almost afraid that that's the end of the message. She hears a sigh and a barely audible sniff. It makes her own tears break free. "_I got into NYU, B. I'm in pre-law. I… I want to fight for our right to get married here in Lima. This shit of a town needs a change. And I want to be part of it when it comes._" Brittany clutches the phone like it's her lifeline. And maybe it is.

"_I'm still waiting, B._" It was barely audible but Brittany caught it. "_So yeah. I'm so proud of you I can't even explain how much. Yeah. Uhm, bye._"

She's late for the party because it took an hour before she can stop the tears enough to compose herself. Tina had already texted her more than a couple of times and everybody's waiting for her but she can't seem to think about anything aside from the fact that Santana had been there to watch her get on that stage.

/

When Brittany gets her acceptance letter to Julliard, she goes straight to her laptop and opens Google. Julliard is 3.8 miles away from New York University.

* * *

**NINE.**

Santana groans, trying to bury her head into her pillows to drown the incessant knocking on her apartment door that she had gotten using the money her Mami gave her. It's only six in the morning for fuck's sake! Her classes don't start until _three_ hours later. But when the knocking doesn't show any signs of stopping, she drags herself out of bed just so she can murder the person on the other side of her door, knowing that it isn't her landlord because she's paid for another year.

"Lopez, open your door!" Fabray? What in the _hell_ was she doing here?

"Santana, although you should be awake by now so you can get ready for your first day of school, I am willing to bet my Barbara Streisand collection that you are undoubtedly still asleep. You know that I disapprove of this and I don't care if you're going to dump a bucket of water on me because I am knocking on your door this early. Normally, I wouldn't do this because I want to live for a few more years. But the matters that I found in my hands this morning, propels me to _demand_ that you get out of your bed this instant because it's important!" Rachel screeches.

"Rachel…"

"Sorry." _Faberry_ is on the other side of the door and Santana's not sure if it's worth opening anymore. But she scowls because the knocking starts again and it's making her head hurt. She swings the door open to reveal Quinn and Rachel.

"You both have 15 seconds before I grab the knife I have in my kitchen and skin you both with it." Rachel visibly shudders and quickly opens her mouth to explain the situation. But before she can get a word out, Quinn takes her hand and tugs her away from the door.

Santana was about to strangle them both when another person steps forward and makes all her thoughts desist into nothing.

"I really hope you won't do that because Quinn drove me here and Rachel helped us get here. And you know, because they're your friends." Brittany, _Brittany_, says, smiling sad and hopeful at the same time. She sees the blonde hesitate before she steps forward. Santana takes a half-step back unsure if this is all real. But Brittany smiles at her in the way she knows Santana loves and the pounding in her chest is enough to convince her that all of this is really happening.

"Brittany." She whispers, saying her name as reverently as Brittany did when they were saying goodbye. A hand finds its way into hers and it folds comfortingly and achingly familiar.

"I hope I'm not too late?" For the first time since Santana opened the door, she hears an ounce of fear. "I got into Julliard and it's a ten minute drive to get to NYU and I can leave every lunch break and meet you or something. Or I can pick you up after classes and we can go for dinner or we can go to the park and feed the duck because Rachel told me you've been keeping them alive for me and I'll even move next door if you want me to. _Please_, please just tell me that I'm not too late because I still love you and I don't think I can live another day without you." Tears are running down her face and she forgets that she promised herself not to cry because she knows that Santana hates it when she cries.

Santana doesn't miss a beat. She tugs Brittany's hand until she's close enough for her to wrap a hand on Brittany's neck. She marvels at the way Brittany automatically closes her eyes like she always did. When her lips finds hers, she forgets that she lived a whole _year_ without this. She only remembers the part where she's broken for that long and now Brittany's back to pick up the pieces of her and put them all back together.

Santana's never been happy to discover that some things never change because Brittany still feels and tastes like home and love and everything she needs for the rest of her life.

"You're just in time." She whispers as she kisses Brittany's tears away.

They don't notice Quinn roll her eyes and smirk because she _so_ knew it. They don't hear Rachel cry because the drama is so beautiful. There's only each other and the knowledge that they're in the same time and space, breathing the same air, crying for the same reason, heart pounding because _finally_.

* * *

**TEN.**

Brittany gets to wake up with a smile again because Santana's not even a sixteenth of a mile away from her every morning.

* * *

**A/N: I meant to post this like a week after the finale but never mind. Since that plan failed, I'm going to plan B: better late than never. Brittany read an excerpt from Love by Pablo Neruda.**

**You know the drill people. Hit the review button and tell me what you think. Please and thank you!**

**-S**


End file.
